a fourth of July day

I kept busy and stayed focused. It seemed the thoughts would not come. It seemed I was safe from feeling low and still hurt by the loss of you. I crammed so much in today and thought there was no room for any sorrow.
Be it now I know as I sit alone with the gentle reassurance of the tapped keys that the sorrow was there all day.
Disguised as a frown and a short fuse. A niggling unexplainable feeling that nudges me every so often, as if to say "I'm right here, why are you avoiding me?"

Dear Kalinda,
 I am not avoiding you. I am still ever so hurt and deeply saddened by you not being in my life.
 Often I wonder why I cant feel you...why do I not sometimes feel that? Do you hurt too? Are you free?
 Never shall I forget your ability to be my WORLD. You were my guide for so many years. It seemed that when I finally looked away to find my own path you were deep into your choices. I choose to keep you in my heart, I choose to remember you with words and my tears are all but the release of today's avoidance.
I am sorry it seems as though I avoid you.
I love and miss you still,
I love you
still
I miss you
Still.
I guess some things never change
No matter how hard you try.